Words on the Wall

God, it’s already Christmas. That means 2020 is actually—thankfully—almost over. I know pragmatically speaking, when the clock ticks over to January 1st, 2021 things aren’t going to spontaneously get better. We’re still going to be dealing with COVID-19, Trump, and literally everything else going wrong in the world currently, but we can hope for a moment that things are magically better, can’t we? Or is that too much to ask?

Honestly, I half-heartedly expect it to be December 32nd, 2020, or Undecimber 1st, 2020, or the stars being right and we summon Cthulhu, or anything like that instead of ticking over to January 1st, 2021. Like, this year has been such a crazy year that like, I feel like that’s actually possible now. Is that something I should be saying? I feel like it’s not, but I’m going to say it anyways.

Part of the thing as well is that everything going on with this year doesn’t mesh well with the fact I’m (technically) homeless. I’m not sure if I’ve ever written about that on here, but if I have, I’m truly sorry for repeating myself. Yes, I am (technically) homeless. According to the state of Tennessee, I am legally homeless. My college is technically my home, but like, that’s not really a permanent residence.

Regardless, I’m trying to go through college, with basically no support from family. That’s fun, y’know. I feel like that’s part of the reason why I’m starting to try to push so hard for this blog—and my stories—to actually be successful. Because I really don’t have a fallback if I flunk out of college, which at this point, is very likely.

I guess I should explain that. I failed both spring semester last year, and now fall semester this year just due to COVID. It’s apparently really hard to find motivation to get up and attend online zoom meetings if you’re really depressed and not getting up really to do anything outside of your room. That’s besides the point though.

Over the past few days, I’ve been writing a lot more, I’ve noticed. I’ve been staying up later—late into the night, just drinking coffee—and trying to write something. Find a freelance job I can manage while in college. As it turns out, I need money and experience to do both of those—I have neither. I’m trying not to let it deter me from doing this, if I’m being honest. I’ve just been trying to write words on a wall, and hope someone will read them.

I think that’s one of the things I should do as well. Start writing on here more. I find it hard to really consistently blog because there’s so little I really can think of saying when I sit down and start trying to dig deep. I tend to live a fairly quiet and unassuming life. I just do my own thing and that’s about it.

Maybe I’ll use this to talk. To see where it goes. But, that’s a concern for me later. Not now. I need to make more coffee first.

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